What the crap? That sounds like a headline from history: Nation Unveils Land Designed for Native Americans (reservations for 17,000, give or take. Mostly take.).

Apparently, Nike has created a shoe that is specifically designed for the Native American foot. Take that, Moccasin! The strategy is to get the tribes people off their casino plumped rumps and out onto mother earth. “Nike is aware of the growing health issues facing Native Americans,” said Sam McCracken (no relation to Phil), manager of Nike’s Native American Business Program.

The Air Native N7 will be exclusively sold, at cost, to tribal schools and tribal wellness programs (and then on eBay for much wampum). The shoes were designed to accommodate the taller, wider feet Nike discovered while testing 200 people from 70 tribes. All I know is that Kevin Grose should try and find a Reservation Foot Locker ASAP so he can find some kicks for those Samwise Gamgee lookin’ feet of his.

The fact that Nike made a shoe for a specific race or ethnicity should come as no surprise since Nike has been making shoes for African Americans and wannabee whites for decades (I should know, I am one).  I can hear the tribal elders now, “The great spirit of the bear is smiling on my corns.”

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Friends, I must apologize for the lack of activity here at chrismundell.com. The reason is that I strained my back.com a few weeks ago. And seeing as how I’m a proud member of an HMO, I have to wait a week to get an MRI. So I’m SOL.

Perhaps you are curious how it happened?  I would love to start the story with “Let’s just say ‘Two Men Enter, One Man Leave’.”
To which you would say “Huh?”
Then I would say “Mad Max 3. Beyond Thunder Dome? You never? Well there’s this place called Bartertown and Mel Gibson shows up and has to give all his guns at the gate.”
And then you would say “the guns to shoot the Jews?”
Then I would say “No, no, no! This is before the Jews.”
You: “Aren’t Adam and Eve Jews?”
Me: “Huh? I guess. Yes. No!!!”
You: “They’re not? or they are?”
Me: “No, I mean it doesn’t matter.”
You: “I think it does because you said ‘before the Jews’ and if they’re Jewish then you’re saying that Mel Gibson was there before the creation, in the great void, with the Father.”
Me: “What?”
You: “Bartertown.”
Me: “Right. Bartertown. There’s this big dome where these dudes fight to the death. Two men enter, one man leave. Like gladiators.”
You: “You hurt your back killing a gladiator in a big dome?”
Me: “No. I woke up, sat on the Crapper and…”
You: “made poopy?”
Me: “No! My back went out! That’s what… I just peed.”
You: “#2 man enter, #1 man leave. Ha ha ha ha!”
Me: “You’re hilarious.”

So there it is. My back is jacked and I could use some prayer and encouragement and sit ups. Encourage away!