Art professor, Scott Anderson wanted to assemble a crack team of mutant assassins to go catch X-Men Origins: Wolverine, starring Hugh Jackman, my 2nd favorite Australian*.

The best he could do was Chris Molkoy and me, Chris Mundell. What mutant powers do Chris and I bring to the table? Well, it’s usually not polite to ask, in Mutant culture, but I’ll oblige you since you are likely just ignorant non-mutant humans and don’t know any better. I have developed the ability to throw a Frisbee with my ridiculously long toes and Chris Molkoy can breakdance real good. I know, freakshow.

In the interest of full geek disclosure, I actually own some Wolverine comic books. I dig this character and Hugh Jackman has done a terrific job playing him in the previous 3 X-Men films. I was looking forward to this film as it seemed we’d finally have a dedicated story of Wolverine without all the other mutants getting in the way! Maybe even the story arc in Japan from the comics I have. Unfortunately, where I expected much slashing, there was much rehashing (Man, that line sucked. Too lazy to remove it). I will say that the opening credit sequence was pretty sweet! Wolverine and his brother fighting through the wars of history together (Civil War to Vietnam). Essentially indestructible. What would that do to a guy? Very compelling. The bummer is that the film pretty quickly gets into the whole good mutants vs bad mutants territory we’ve seen for 3 movies already.

Wolverine’s mutation is that he heals almost instantaneously and he has these  gnarly claws that stick out of his hands when he’s pissed off or has a really annoying itch, like, right in the middle of his back. You know, right where you can’t reach? Some overzealous government peoples plated his bones in some space metal to make him even more indestructibler! I wish I had those powers. If I did, I would stop wearing my seat belt, you know, immediately. Also, I would start entering lumberjack competitions cuz I could climb trees like the dickens!

This isn’t a bad movie, I just had high in the sky, apple pie hopes. I got a pretty well made apple fritter. Also, way at the end of the credit roll, we catch Wolverine in a Japanese bar (some theaters show a lame bad guy clip). This gives me geek goosebumps for the next one!

I don’t know about “Professor A” or “Electric Boogaloo”, but I, “The Toe”, did NOT hate it!

*1st favorite Australian: Kynan Brookes of Adelaide. Everyone should know Kynan. Cooler than Dundee and The Wiggles combined. Unless you measure cool in dollars, in which case, The Wiggles are the coolest by an order of magnitude. They are swimming in the Vegemite.

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