District 9

I need to apologize to the Metropolitan Theater Corporation for the large puddle of wiz I just left on my seat at the Metro 4. I couldn’t help it, you see, as I was watching District 9!

District 9 is a film set in modern day Johannesburg, South Africa. However, it’s an alternate modern day where, 20 years prior, a ginormous alien ship parked it right over Johannesburg* City. The alien race on the ship became malnourished and needed to be brought to the surface for help.

To make my movie going experience more authentic, I brought my very own South African, Greg Lawler! And to avoid our own malnourishment, Greg brought along the South African snack, Biltong! It was delicious and it was delightful to experience some of Greg’s homeland culture. I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was just expensive beef jerky. So, if you see him, tell him I told you I feel like his world neighbor or some crap.

OK, back to the aliens. The film takes place after the aliens have been segregated, mistreated and made to live in squalor for two decades. I won’t say how, but there ends up being some, Grade A, blowing-stuff-up with some of the most convincing CGI I’ve ever seen! Alien weapon tech and lots of it!

Now, before you get all “sci-fi nerd hater” on me, let me just say that

A. I don’t even speak Klingon

and B. This movie has heart and a message.

Watching District 9 was like playing the video game HALO while watching OPRAH. It was HALOPRAH!

Speaking of HALO, the writer/director, Neill Blomkamp, was in pre-production on a movie based on the HALO video game until the finances fell apart. That’s when the coolest Executive Producer EVER, Peter Jackson, listened to (his wife) Fran’s idea… Let’s make Neill’s short film into a feature film! 30 million dollars later, I’m sitting there geeking out and peeing myself at the same time!

I do know a few words of Elvish, but none that describe this incredible film.  I DID NOT HATE IT!

*Greg tells me I should refer to Johannesburg as “Joburg” if I want to sound cool. But this is the same guy who thinks Biltong is something more than beef jerky so I’ll take my chances. Also, he likes rugby.