I don’t have any Tony-Stark-like eccentric billionaire buddies but I am bestest buddies with David Malloy and he invited me to see Iron Man 2 on opening night at the Arclight Cinema Dome in LA. The Dome is the perfect place to see a big movie and this was a BIG movie. Iron Man was insanely successful and I loved it so I was looking forward to seeing this sequel.

Due to some family planning (not the baby making kind) I had to get to Burbank via TRAIN! WHAT? They have those? I didn’t know people still rode in them. I thought they were just freight trains with mannequins in the windows. You know, so our kids can wave at them from the beach and we can feel like Americans. Turns out you can actually ride in them and it’s pretty nice, provided you bring noise canceling headphones so you don’t have to hear the Russian kid get to know the Mexican girl in the seat behind you. “What kind of music do you like?” “So, what, um, is your background, ethnically?” “What do you think of the Arizona immigration law?” “I’m Russian.” He didn’t even sound Russian. What a ripoff. He spoke like some punk on Road Rules. I was totally hoping for Yokov Smirnoff. Or better yet, Mickey Rourke in Iron Man 2! See how I totally brought that back around to the movie I saw and then completely derailed again by pointing out what I did just now?

Mikey Rourke was awesome as a Russian bad guy! Robert Downey Jr was awesome (again) as Tony Stark! Don Cheadle had a tough job to do in that he was replacing Terrence Howard (Hustle & Flow) as Tony Stark’s buddy, Rhodey. I thought he did a great job. Not sure what happened there. None of my business. OK, fine here. Scarlett Johannson & Sam Jackson filled in nicely as members of S.H.I.E.L.D. Loved Sam Rockwell too! Check out his movie “Moon” on Netflix. Great movie & it’s surprisingly not about hanging your naked arse out at passing trains. There’s people in there, you guys!!

I DID NOT HATE IT!

Out of the clear blue, my friend and Bows-man, Geordie Speak invited me to go see Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood. Also in our merry band: Ben Ewart, Woodsman and deadly with a hockey stick. Ben and I traveled far and joined up with Geordie on the borders of Yogurtland. From there, we traveled east across the street to the theater. Once we purchased our replenishments we made haste for our seats. My cunning and scouting skills were rewarded with three of the finest seats in all the theater!

Our timing was perfect for just as we were seated, the MovieTickets.com wench began her plea for our business. Making claim to it’s conveniences in her life in Las Vegas where she forgets Hugh Heffner and tends to the needs of the wise Wizard, Criss Angel. After an assortment of funny trailers it was SHOWTIME!

That’s when the math got all screwy. Great director + great actor + insanely great actress = great movie, right? Not right. Unright. I don’t know what happened. I didn’t care about any of the characters for the first quarter of the movie. It picked up a little when we meet Max Van Sydow’s Sir Walter Loxley and we got to see Cate Blanchett and Russell Crowe do some acting together. It’s just that we’ve seen it all before and not in the good way. Since they were telling a “before Robin Hood became Robin Hood” we didn’t get any of the fun Robin Hood stuff. We got hints, but it just wasn’t enough.

I don’t hate anybody involved with this movie, BUT I Did Hate the movie. Sad.

The phrase “Date Night” is so neutered and domesticated. It suggests a relationship with a complete lack of adventure and spontaneity. If you ever got married and then (on purpose or by accident) had kids, you know this is exactly the state of things. It’s not a terrible state to be in. That would be (enter worst state name here)!

Honestly, life gets repetitive and somewhat monotonous out of necessity. It’s better for kids to have stability, etc. While that’s better for children raising, you can’t help but look up every once in a while and realize it must be Sunday night because your husband is clipping his toenails while you are watching that show about people addicted to drugs and the families that enable them. Tomorrow we get to watch a Netflix! Yay:/

You might say that this doesn’t describe your life, post kids. You might also have a lying problem where you lie about stuff and facts. It happens to be pretty close to my life with Jade. No, Jade is not the name of my exotic mistress from mysterious lands of the East. She’s my wife. From Missouri (Ooo! Put this up in the first paragraph!!). She actually is a pretty fun lady. It’s just that I didn’t realize that the enthusiasm gland was so close to the mammary gland on a woman (High School Biology). After 3 babies (or nipple dredgers) it’s hard for any mom to muster up much enthusiasm for adventures. I’m no better. I went from Jonny Depp to Jonny Lovitz in that same span of time. The fact is we need a Date Night.

Thankfully, my smart wife planned an outing to see Date Night while on an actual Date Night! (Status Update Comedy Gold!! Wait, what? Someone else already… oh EVERYBODY already thought of that? S#%t.)  We met up with fellow Maritally Narcoleptic pals, the Clarks & the Speakes! What a perfect movie for us and the occasion!

Tina Fey and Steve Carell are so funny together. Go see Date Night on a date night or some other prearranged together time. I Did Not Hate It!