Did I Hate It?
Iron Man 2
Jun 8th
I don’t have any Tony-Stark-like eccentric billionaire buddies but I am bestest buddies with David Malloy and he invited me to see Iron Man 2 on opening night at the Arclight Cinema Dome in LA. The Dome is the perfect place to see a big movie and this was a BIG movie. Iron Man was insanely successful and I loved it so I was looking forward to seeing this sequel.
Due to some family planning (not the baby making kind) I had to get to Burbank via TRAIN! WHAT? They have those? I didn’t know people still rode in them. I thought they were just freight trains with mannequins in the windows. You know, so our kids can wave at them from the beach and we can feel like Americans. Turns out you can actually ride in them and it’s pretty nice, provided you bring noise canceling headphones so you don’t have to hear the Russian kid get to know the Mexican girl in the seat behind you. “What kind of music do you like?” “So, what, um, is your background, ethnically?” “What do you think of the Arizona immigration law?” “I’m Russian.” He didn’t even sound Russian. What a ripoff. He spoke like some punk on Road Rules. I was totally hoping for Yokov Smirnoff. Or better yet, Mickey Rourke in Iron Man 2! See how I totally brought that back around to the movie I saw and then completely derailed again by pointing out what I did just now?
Mikey Rourke was awesome as a Russian bad guy! Robert Downey Jr was awesome (again) as Tony Stark! Don Cheadle had a tough job to do in that he was replacing Terrence Howard (Hustle & Flow) as Tony Stark’s buddy, Rhodey. I thought he did a great job. Not sure what happened there. None of my business. OK, fine here. Scarlett Johannson & Sam Jackson filled in nicely as members of S.H.I.E.L.D. Loved Sam Rockwell too! Check out his movie “Moon” on Netflix. Great movie & it’s surprisingly not about hanging your naked arse out at passing trains. There’s people in there, you guys!!
I DID NOT HATE IT!
Date Night
Jun 1st
The phrase “Date Night” is so neutered and domesticated. It suggests a relationship with a complete lack of adventure and spontaneity. If you ever got married and then (on purpose or by accident) had kids, you know this is exactly the state of things. It’s not a terrible state to be in. That would be (enter worst state name here)!
Honestly, life gets repetitive and somewhat monotonous out of necessity. It’s better for kids to have stability, etc. While that’s better for children raising, you can’t help but look up every once in a while and realize it must be Sunday night because your husband is clipping his toenails while you are watching that show about people addicted to drugs and the families that enable them. Tomorrow we get to watch a Netflix! Yay:/
You might say that this doesn’t describe your life, post kids. You might also have a lying problem where you lie about stuff and facts. It happens to be pretty close to my life with Jade. No, Jade is not the name of my exotic mistress from mysterious lands of the East. She’s my wife. From Missouri (Ooo! Put this up in the first paragraph!!). She actually is a pretty fun lady. It’s just that I didn’t realize that the enthusiasm gland was so close to the mammary gland on a woman (High School Biology). After 3 babies (or nipple dredgers) it’s hard for any mom to muster up much enthusiasm for adventures. I’m no better. I went from Jonny Depp to Jonny Lovitz in that same span of time. The fact is we need a Date Night.
Thankfully, my smart wife planned an outing to see Date Night while on an actual Date Night! (Status Update Comedy Gold!! Wait, what? Someone else already… oh EVERYBODY already thought of that? S#%t.) We met up with fellow Maritally Narcoleptic pals, the Clarks & the Speakes! What a perfect movie for us and the occasion!
Tina Fey and Steve Carell are so funny together. Go see Date Night on a date night or some other prearranged together time. I Did Not Hate It!
Cop Out
Mar 3rd
What would happen if you took Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan, put ‘em in a movie directed by Kevin Smith, sprinkle in almost EVERY buddy-cop movie cliche and shake? I’m not sure. I imagine that would make them quite dizzy. I’m not even sure how you would shake all those things. Whose idea was it to shake? That’s a bad idea. Regardless, Dan Hislop asked some bro’s to join him to go see Cop Out.
My wife has been a HUGE Bruce Willis fan since Moonlighting. I mean she doesn’t have any action figures, but she was totally jealous with her jealousy! I’m sorry, honey, but I have no control over who the Bro’s call on. I too, likes me some Bruce Willlis. He did a great job in this one.
What about his partner? I remember the first time I saw Tracy Morgan on TV back in the early 90′s. It was on a show called The Uptown Comedy Club. Then he showed up on SNL and now 30 ROCK. Bringing the funny all the way. No exception here. Funny!
I gotta say that Kevin Smith made a really interesting choice with the score. He got Harold Faltermeyer to lay down the Fletch-iest, Beverly-Hills-Cop-iest synthy music!! It felt so familiar and perfect. Then Smith threw down every cliche I could think of and the movie didn’t suffer for it. I read a while back that Smith was thinking about doing a Fletch movie with Jason Lee but it never happened. Well he put Lee in this and paid HOMAGE!
I did not hate the HOMAGE!
Avatar
Jan 18th
I just watched Avatar win the Golden Globe for best Drama of 2009. Was it the best story told on film last year? No. But, which movie did I see twice? Avatar. It’s simply incredible to behold. Don’t worry, I’m not suffering from that post Avatar depression. I like my real life better. Avatar is what they call a game changer. Like the first talkies and Star Wars, etc.
When a movie makes a billion dollars there are bound to be detractors and naysayers and the like. Here’s my response to the people that say Avatar is basically Pocahontas in 3D: I would have seen this film twice if it was actually called Pocahontas 3D!
I’m not naive. I know the story has been told before. I know it’s like Dances with Wolves. I know the Nav’i look like a blue Rocky Dennis, but you know what? Every story has been told before. The trick is to tell the story in a new and interesting way. James Cameron did that with Avatar. And Rocky Dennis was a person with feelings. So shut up, get your $13 out, put your 3D glasses on and enjoy these 10ft tall Methemoglobinemiacs!
I did NOT hate Avatar!
Methemoglobinemia
Funny People
Dec 27th
I finally saw Funny People. I was so looking forward to seeing it in the theater and then I didn’t make it happen and then it was too late. I discovered that regrets are a big theme in Funny People. Even Adam Sandler’s insanely famous and successful character, George, has more than his share. I heard that Funny People was a spot-on picture of the life of a comedian. It certainly shows that, but it’s really a bigger story about relationships and choices that resonated with me. I think Judd Apatow has established himself nicely with Funny People, 40 Year Old Virgin & Knocked Up. I hope he keeps it up because these comedies have a heart that is missing in a lot of the funny movies around lately.
The cast was strong in this one. Adam Sandler, Leslie Mann, Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, Jason Schwartzman and Eric Bana were all great.
This movie made me want to try stand up but the fear is still pretty strong. Not a fear of standing in front of people, but a fear of doing all the work to write a set.
Invictus
Dec 22nd
What do you get when you mix up South Africa, Morgan Freeman, Matt Damon and Clint Eastwood? I don’t know. It depends on the mixing method, I suppose. BUT, if you have Clint Eastwood directing a film set in South Africa starring Freeman and Damon, the chances are good that you will end up with a sweet film!
For authenticity’s sake, I went to see Invictus with no less than three for-reals South Africans! One of my top-five best friends, Greg Lawler and his dad along with current Costa Rica resident Martyn Hoffman. Greg even wore his SA Rugby jersey! To make sure these guys didn’t get too cocky, we had our US team present. At forward, a two Chris front (Schoolland, Mundell). At Defense, a two Tad front (Clark, Wagner). And finally, a Nate (Rogers). The wild-card. Unfortunately, none of us Yanks knew the damned rules so…
With Invictus, you know what you’re in for. You know the political story, you know there is sports involved and you know the cast and crew are all top notch. With all that in mind going in you’d think I’d be sitting back going, “OK here’s the part about the racism and the elections. OK, here’s the Mandela being gracious, OK here’s the rugby that means more than just rugby” without being effected emotionally. But I was effected. I was on the edge of crying at several points. Now you might say, “Well, Chris, aren’t you ALWAYS on the edge of tears? Like when you think of your kids or God or, like, when you watch Biggest Loser?” OK, yes, that’s true, but this film is moving, man! South Africa’s Apartheid situation is recent history. I know these guys that grew up in it. It feels real and immediate. So all Clint had to do was tee it up and yell “Four!” Here is where I would insert a Tiger Woods joke. But, I have matured to the point that I no longer feel like I need to prove myself in that way. OK, fine. They say Tiger was stingy & uncharitable, but a bowl of tiger penis soup cost US $ 320 in Taiwan and he was giving it away free y’all!! WHAT!?! He’s like the Bob Geldof of Tiger Penis!
I leave you with this moving poem, the namesake of the film. Morgan Freeman did the voice-over. Too bad they couldn’t get someone with chops…
Invictus
Your Bla
- Matt Baer
- Andy
- k
- k
- Cool Breeze
- Knarf the Dove
- Leanne
- kendall